Absent-mindedness
Three elderly women were discussing
the problems of growing old.
One said: "Sometimes I find myself in
front of the refrigerator with a jar of
mayonnaise and I can't remember if I am
putting it away or making a sandwich."
Another said: "And I can trip on the
stairs and not remember if I was walking
up or down."
"Oh well, I don't have those sort of
problems, touch wood," said the third,
tapping her knuckles on the table,
before adding: "That must be the door -
I'll get it."
A couple had become forgetful in their
old age and sought a remedy by attending
special memory classes where they were
taught to remember things by word
association. The husband was telling his
neighbour how beneficial the classes had
been.
"Who was the instructor?" asked the
neighbour.
"Oh, um, what was the name now?" said
the husband. "What's that flower that
smells nice and has thorns?"
"A rose?"
"That's it," said the husband
triumphantly. He turned towards the
house and called: "Hey, Rose, what's the
name of the guy in charge of the memory
class?"
[ An old man asked his wife to make him
a hot fudge sundae. She went to the
kitchen and twenty minutes later came
back with a plate of scrambled eggs
instead. Seeing this, he flew into a
rage and yelled: "Where's the bacon? I
asked for bacon!"
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull
your zipper up and finally, you forget
to pull it down. [GEORGE BURNS]
The young girl student was puzzled why the ageing college professor needed
three pairs of glasses.
He explained: "I have one pair for long
sight, one pair for short sight, and the
third pair to look for the other two."
Another college professor called on a pharmacist. "Give me some prepared
tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asked the
pharmacist. "That's it. I can never
remember that name!"
An elderly widow and a widower had been dating for five years. He finally
asked her to marry him and she
immediately said "yes". But the next
morning he couldn't remember what her
answer had been. In desperation, he
decided to call her.
"This is really embarrassing," he began,
"but when I asked you to marry me
yesterday, well, this morning I just
couldn't remember what your answer was."
"Oh, I'm so glad you called," she said.
"I remembered saying 'yes' to someone,
but I couldn't remember who it was!"
My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One
day, he
took me aside and left me there. [RON
RICHARDS]
An absent-minded professor was moving to
a new house further along the same
street. His wife knew that he was prone
to forgetting things and so she wrote
down the new address on a piece of paper
before he went off to college. She
handed him the paper and the key to the
new house and reminded him not to go
back to the old address.
That morning, one of his students asked
him a complex question and the professor
wrote the answer down on the back of the
slip of paper. The student asked whether
he could keep the paper. Forgetting what
was on the other side, the professor
said, "Certainly."
In the evening, he returned out of habit
to the old house, tried the key and
couldn't get in. Realizing his mistake,
he searched in his pockets for the slip
of paper with the new address, but of
course there was no sign of it. So he
wandered along the street and stopped
the first personable-looking lad whom he
saw.
"Excuse me, I'm Professor Galbraith. You
wouldn't happen to know where I live,
would you?"
"Sure, Dad," said the boy.
A 90-year-old man was sitting on a park
bench sobbing. A young man asked him
what was wrong.
"I'm in love with a 20-year-old girl,"
wailed the old man. "She's
gorgeouslooking, kind, considerate,
she's a great cook and we have the most
fantastic sex three times a day, every
day."
"So why are you crying?"
"I've forgotten where we live!"'
Three old men were at the doctor's for a memory test. The doctor asked the
first old man: "What is two times two?"
"194," came the reply.
The doctor turned to the second old man.
"What is tw"Four," came the answer.
"That's great," said the doctor. "How
did you get that?"
"Simple," said the third old man. "I
subtracted 194 from Thursday!"to times
two?" "Thursday," replied the second old
man.
Finally the doctor addressed the third
old man. "What is two times two?
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Short Jokes listed in alphabet
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