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Acting
Acting is all about honesty. If you can
fake that, you've got it made.
A Jewish actor was excited to land a major part in a new play and rushed
home to tell his mother the good news.
"Momma, Momma," he cried. "I got the
part. I play the husband."
His mother looked at him disdainfully.
"You couldn't get a speaking part?"
The leading lady in a stage musical was in a filthy mood before
curtain-up.
Two members of the chorus line were
discussing it. "What's the matter with
her?" asked one. "She only received nine
bouquets tonight." "Only nine! Isn't
that enough for her?" "Not when she'd
paid for ten!"
They asked Jack Benny if he would do something for the Actors' Orphanage,
so he shot both his parents and moved
in. [BOB HOPE]
An agent found out that an actress he represented was selling her body at
night for 100 dollars a time. Seeing her
in a new light, he asked whether he too
could have sex with her, but she told
him that he'd have to pay like the
others. She wouldn't even allow him his
10 per cent agent's fee as a discount.
He wasn't happy about the arrangement,
but the following night, he went to her
apartment, turned out the lights and had
sex with her. She fell asleep afterwards
but an hour later, she was woken and
made love to again. Then half an hour
after that she was made love to once
more, and every 30 minutes for the next
three hours. Impressed with his
virility, she purred: "I'm so lucky to
have you as my agent." "I'm not your
agent, lady," a strange voice answered.
"He's at the door selling tickets."
[75] Two actors got married, but fell
out almost immediately. The day after
the wedding, the bride went to see a
lawyer about obtaining a divorce.
"What's gone wrong?" asked the lawyer.
"You've been married less than a day."
The actress said grandly: "I could tell
at the church that things wouldn't work
between us, when he signed his name in
the register in bigger letters than
mine."
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