An old man went into confession and told the priest: "Father, I'm 81, married with six children and 13 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Twice."
"I see," said the priest. "When was the last time you were in confession?" "Never, Father," replied the old man. "I'm Jewish." "So why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everybody!"

 A husband arrived home early from work to find his wife on the bed having a heart attack. He was just about to call the doctor when his little boy said: "Dad, there's a naked man in the wardrobe."
"What!" said the husband. He opened the wardrobe and there was his best friend Tom.
"I don't believe this!" screamed the husband. "There's Julie having a heart attack, and you're playing games with the kids!"

 A married man took a solo trip to Bermuda that was part work, part vacation. He fell so in love with the place that he wired his friend: "Catch next plane out. Bring my wife and your mistress."
The friend wired back: "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 4.30 p.m. How long have you known about us?"

A married couple were celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. The husband asked the wife: "Darling, have you ever cheated on me?"
"What a strange question to ask after all these years," she said. "But, if you must know, yes, I have cheated on you. Three times."
The husband was saddened by this admission but wanted to know when.
She said: "The first time was when you were 31. Remember you wanted to start a business but no bank would give you a loan? And remember how the bank president came to our house in person and signed the papers? Well ..."
The husband was touched. "You mean, you slept with the president of the bank so that I could start up my business? That's the kindest thing anyone's ever done for me. When was the second occasion?""Remember when you were 48 you had a heart attack and no surgeon would operate on you? And then Dr Forrest came all the way up here to carry out the surgery himself, and after that you were in good shape again? Well ..."
The husband was genuinely moved. "So you slept with Dr Forrest to save my life? What a wonderful woman you are! And when was the third time?"
"Remember how a few years ago when you really wanted to be president of the golf club? But you were 52 votes short?"

 Two middle-aged businessmen, Mark and Miles, went to the gym for a workout. As they undressed beforehand, Mark was stunned to find Miles wearing a corset beneath his shirt.
"Since when have you been wearing a corset?" asked Mark. "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

Two strangers, Tom and Phil, had paired up together for a round of golf, but the afternoon was in danger of being ruined by the slow play of two women in front. On the eighth hole, Tom had suffered enough and marched towards the women to ask whether they would allow he and his partner to play through. He got half-way there and suddenly turned back.
"I'm sorry, he explained to Phil. "When I got closer, I realized that one of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Will you go and talk to them instead?"
So Phil walked towards the two women. But he too stopped half-way before turning back.
"What's the problem?" asked Tom.
"It's a small world!"

 An errant husband kept a wife and a mistress who had never met. He wanted to find out whether both women were faithful to him, so he packed them off on the same cruise with the intention of questioning each on the other's be haviour. When his wife returned, he asked her a few general questions about the people on the cruise before focusing on the be haviour of the passenger who was his secret mistress.
"She was a total slut," reported the wife. "She must have slept with almost every man on the ship."
The husband was crestfallen and later asked his cheating mistress how his wife had behaved on the cruise.
"She was a real lady," said the mistress. The husband brightened. "Really?"
"Yes, she came on board with her husband and never left his side."