adultery

 Young Tommy came home from school early and found his father in bed with the maid. His mother arrived home half an hour later and Tommy rushed to tell her: "Mum, when I got home from school, I saw Dad in bed with the maid. They were ..."
His mother interrupted him: "Wait till dinner tonight, Tommy, and when the maid serves the meal, I'll wink at you, and then you can tell the story."
That evening the maid served dinner as usual. She was in the middle of serving the vegetables when Tommy's mother winked at him. Tommy took the hint and said: "Mum, when I got home from school, I saw Dad in bed with the maid. They were doing the same thing I saw you and Uncle Dennis doing at the cottage last summer."

 A wife slapped her husband around the face after discovering a piece of
paper in his jacket pocket with the name Marylou written on it. He protested: "It was the name of a horse I bet on yesterday." The following day she slapped him again. "What was that for?" he said. "Your horse called last night."

 Colin led a hectic life. When he wasn't working hard, he was bowling or playing tennis. One weekend his wife decided he needed a break so she took him to a strip club. He protested that it wasn't really his scene, but she insisted that it would do him good.
When they arrived, the club doorman said: "Hello, Colin. How are you tonight?" The wife registered her surprise.
"He's just one of the guys I bowl with," explained Colin.
Once inside the club, they sat down and a waitress came over. "Nice to see you,
Colin," she said. "Your usual scotch on the rocks?"
The wife's eyes widened. "You must come here a lot!" "No, no. She's a member of the tennis club."
Moments later, a stripper sauntered over to the table, threw her arms around
Colin and purred: "Your favourite table dance, Colin?"
At this, the wife stormed out. Colin followed her and spotted her getting into a
taxi cab. He jumped into the passenger seat and she started ranting and raving at
him. After a few yards, the cabbie leaned over and said: "Looks like you picked up a
bitch tonight, Colin!"

 A man came home to find evidence that his wife had been unfaithful. "Was it my friend Ted?" he demanded. "No, it wasn't."
"Was it my friend Pete?"
"No, it wasn't?"
"Was it my friend Larry?"
"No it wasn't," she screamed. "What is it - don't you think I have any friends of my own?"

 A little boy was hiding in the closet listening to his mum entertaining her lover. Suddenly he heard a car pull up on the drive and his mum say: "Oh no, it's my husband. Quick, hide in the closet." With that, her lover joined the boy in the closet.
"Gee, it's real dark in here," said the boy. "I'm scared. I'm gonna scream.""No, don't," pleaded the lover. "I'll give you five dollars if you don't scream." "Gee, it's real dark in here," repeated the boy, "I'm real scared. I can feel a scream coming on."
"Look, I'll give you ten dollars," said the lover, "so long as you keep quiet."
"Gee, it's real dark in here," continued the boy. "So scary. I don't know if I can stop myself screaming."
"All right," said the lover. "Here's 50 dollars for you if you promise not to scream."
The boy stuffed the money into his pocket and kept quiet. Twenty minutes later, the car drove off and the lover left in a hurry shortly afterwards.
Later that afternoon, the boy went shopping with his mother. As they passed a cycle shop, the boy said: "I really like that red bike in the window. And I can afford it - I've got 50 dollars."
"Where did you get 50 dollars from?" asked the mother.
"I promised I wouldn't say," said the boy.
"What do you mean you promised you wouldn't say? You must have done
something bad if you won't say."
"I haven't," insisted the boy.
"How am I expected to believe you," said the mother, "if you keep secrets from me? No, I'm taking you to church and you can tell the priest how you got that money in confession."
The little boy went into the confessional and when the door closed, it was pitch black inside. The boy said nervously: "Gee, it's real dark in here." And the priest said: "Let's not start THAT again."

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