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Adultery
One evening, a guy was sent out by his
wife to buy cigarettes from a store. But
the store was closed so he went instead
to a nearby bar to use the vending
machine there. Having got the
cigarettes, he decided to have a quick
drink before leaving for home. As he sat
down at the bar, he noticed this
stunning brunette perched on the next
stool. He couldn't believe how gorgeous
she looked and so he started chatting to
her. He bought her a drink - and another
and another - and when the bar closed,
she invited him back to her apartment.
When they reached her apartment, they
went straight to bed. The sex was
fantastic. When it was all over, he
looked at his watch and saw that it was
one o'clock in the morning.
"Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed, leaping
out of bed. "I hadn't realized it was so
late. My wife's gonna kill me. Have you
got any talcum powder?"
The girl looked puzzled but handed him a
container of talcum powder which he
rubbed into his hands. Then without
saying a word, he quickly left.
Back home, his wife was waiting for him.
"Where have you been?" she demanded
angrily. "Do you know what time it is? I
only sent you out for a packet of
cigarettes and you've been gone nearly
four hours!"
"Look, I'm really sorry," he said. "I
went to the store for your cigarettes
but the store was shut. So I tried the
vending machine at the bar round the
corner and while I was there I met this
great looking chick and we ended up in
bed together."
"Let me see your hands!" said the wife,
and he showed her his hands covered in
talcum powder. "You goddamn liar!" she
boomed "You went bowling again!"
What do you call a woman who knows where
her husband is every night? - A widow.
A couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, but the
husband had something on his mind.
"There's something that's always bugged
me about the children," he said. "I
can't help noticing that out of our
eight kids, Ben looks different from all
the others. I know it's a terrible thing
to ask, but does he have a different
father?"
The wife couldn't bear to look him in
the eye. "Yes, it's true," she admitted.
"Ben does have a different father from
the other seven."
The husband's heart sank. Fighting back
the tears, he said: "You have to tell
me. Who is Ben's father?"
She looked at him sorrowfully and said:
"You."
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