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Army
The Swiss have an interesting army. 500 years without a war, pretty
impressive. Also pretty lucky for them.
Ever see that little Swiss army knife
they have to fight with? Not much of a
weapon there - corkscrews, bottle
openers. "Come on, buddy, let's go. You
get past me, the guy behind me, he's got
a spoon!
Back off, I've got the toe clippers
right here!" [JERRY SEINFELD]
On leaving the army, an old soldier got
a white-collar job. One day he arrived
at the office to find that he had been
given a new young secretary. While
taking dictation, she noticed that his
fly was open. She wondered whether or
not to mention it but in the end she
thought she had better say something. So
she said discreetly: "Did you know your
barracks door is open?"
The old man looked mystified but later
realized what she had meant when he
himself discovered that his zipper was
open. He caught up with her in the
corridor. "By the way, Miss Perlman," he
said with a grin, "when you saw my
barracks door open this morning, did you
see a soldier standing to attention?"
"No," she replied coolly, "all I saw was
a disabled veteran sitting on two old
duffel bags."
During camouflage training, a private was disguised as a tree. But he made
a sudden noise which was spotted by a
visiting general.
The general took him to task. "Don't you
know that by yelling and jumping the way
you did, you could have endangered the
lives of the entire company!"
"I'm sorry, sir," replied the private.
"But I can explain. You see, I stood
still when a flock of pigeons used me
for target practice. And I didn't move a
muscle when a large dog peed on my lower
branches. But when two squirrels ran up
the leg of my pants and I heard the
bigger one say: 'Let's eat one now and
save the other till winter' . . . that
did it."
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