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Aviation
On boarding an aeroplane, a man was surprised to find that the occupant of
the next seat was a parrot. The parrot
didn't say anything until the stewardess
came round with the drinks trolley
shortly after take-off. The man ordered
a coffee but the parrot squawked loudly:
"Get me a brandy, you stupid cow."
The stewardess was so taken aback by the
parrot's outburst that she forgot all
about the man's coffee but did remember
the parrot's brandy. A few minutes later
when the stewardess was passing again,
the man politely reminded her that he
still hadn't had his coffee. No sooner
had he finished speaking than the parrot
squawked: "Get me another brandy, you
lazy mare."
Moments later, the flustered stewardess
returned with the parrot's second
brandy, but again forgot the man's
coffee.
By now, the man was getting irritated
and so he decided to copy the parrot's
approach. So the next time the
stewardess appeared, the man barked:
"Fetch me a coffee, whore."
The next thing he knew both he and the
parrot had been hurled out of the plane
by two burly stewards. As they plunged
towards the ground, the parrot turned to
the man and said: "For someone who can't
fly, you're a lippy bastard."
A plane was delayed nearly an hour on take-off. When it eventually took to
the air, the passengers asked the
stewardess the reason for the late
departure.
"Well," she explained, "the pilot was
worried about a noise he heard coming
from one of the engines and it took us a
while to get a new pilot."
Bad weather forced a plane to keep
circling over JFK airport for nearly two
hours. Finally the pilot announced over
the public address system: "Ladies and
gentlemen, I have some bad news and some
good news. The bad news is that we are
running out of fuel. The good news is
that I'm parachuting down to get help."
There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: either
you have diarrhoea, or you're anxious to
meet people who do. [RICH JENI]
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