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Doctors
A woman went to the doctor's clutching the side of her face.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked
the doctor.
"Well," said the woman, removing her
hand, "it's this pimple on my cheek.
There's a small tree growing from it,
and a table and chairs, and a picnic
basket. What on earth can it be?"
"It's nothing to worry about," said the
doctor. "It's only a beauty spot."
[641] A man went to the doctor's with a
cucumber in his left ear, a carrot in
his right ear and a banana up his nose.
"What's wrong with me?" he asked.
"Simple," said the doctor. "You're not
eating properly."[657] Doctor, doctor, I
keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
For heaven's sake, woman, pull yourself
together.
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later.
Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live. Wait a minute, please.
Doctor, doctor, I think I've swallowed a pillow. How do you feel?
A little down in the mouth.
Doctor, doctor, I can't control my aggression. How long have you had this
problem? Who wants to know?
Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed the film from my camera. We'll just have to
see what develops.
[663] Doctor, doctor, I'm a manic
depressive.
Calm down, cheer up, calm down, cheer
up, calm down ...
Doctor, doctor, I can't pronounce my Fs, Ts or Hs. Well, you can't say
fairer than that, then.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a piece of chalk. Get to the end of
the cue.
Doctor, doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do? Limp.
Doctor, doctor, my son swallowed a razor blade.
Don't panic, I'm coming right away. Have
you done anything yet? Yeah, I shaved
with an electric razor
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