England
 A foreign visitor to England was completely baffled by the language and struggled with the pronunciation of words such as "enough", "bough" and "though". He finally gave up altogether when he read a local newspaper headline:
"FETE PRONOUNCED SUCCESS."

 If an Englishman gets run down by a truck, he apologizes to the truck. [JACKIE
MASON

 Julia Roberts, an Englishman and a Frenchman were all sitting in the same train compartment. Nothing much happened until the train went into a tunnel. Through the darkness could be heard the sound of a loud slap and a cry of pain. When the train emerged from the tunnel, Julia Roberts and the Englishman were sitting perfectly normally, but the Frenchman was rubbing his cheek and nursing a swollen eye.
Julia immediately thought: "The Frenchman must have tried to kiss me when we went in the tunnel, but kissed the Englishman by mistake and got a slap for his pains."
The Frenchman thought: "The Englishman must have tried to kiss Julia and she slapped me by mistake."
And the Englishman thought: "This is great. Every time we go into a tunnel, I can smack that French prat

 

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