Farming
 An American and an Irishman met at a farming convention in Kilkenny. The American owned a huge farm back in Texas while the Irishman had no more than a couple of acres outside Wexford.
"Tell me about your farm," said the Irishman.
"It's enormous," began the American, "the biggest farm you ever did see in your
life. It stretches half-way across the county. Do you know I can get in my truck first
thing in the morning, drive around my land and still not cover it all by sundown?" "To be sure," said the Irishman, "I used to have a truck like that."

 Why do they bury farmers only three feet deep? - So they can still get a hand out.

 A farmer was sitting in a bar one afternoon, getting slowly drunk. A man came over to talk to him.
"You look down," said the man. "It's a beautiful day. How can you be miserable on a day like this?"
The farmer mumbled: "Some things you just can't explain."
"Come on, tell me about it," said the man. "It might help to talk to someone."
"If you really want to know," said the farmer, "I was sitting in the barn this
morning milking my cow and I'd just got the bucket full when she kicked it over with
her left leg."
"Is that all? It's not exactly the end of the world."
"Some things you just can't explain," mumbled the farmer. "So what did you do?"
"I took her left leg and tied it to a post on the left with some rope. Then I carried on milking. And just as I'd got the bucket full again, she kicked it over with her right leg."
"I can see that would be annoying."The farmer mumbled: "Some things you just can't explain." "So what did you do next?"
"I tied her right leg to the post on the right and carried on milking. And just as the
bucket was filling up, she knocked it over with her tail."
"You must have been angry by now?"
"Some things you just can't explain," mumbled the farmer. "What did you do?"
"I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. Some things you just can't explain."

A young farmhand was sent out in a truck to do some repair work on a fence. It should only have taken him an hour and the farmer became concerned when, after two hours, he still hadn't returned. Just then, the farmer's mobile phone rang.
"I'm on the way back but I've hit a pig," said the farmhand.
"Don't worry," said the farmer. "These things happen. But drag the carcass off the road so that nobody else hits it."
"But he's not dead," said the farmhand. "He's kicking and squealing. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me."
"OK then," said the farmer. "There's a shotgun in the back of the truck. Fetch that, shoot the pig and drag the carcass off the road. Understand?" "Yeah, I understand."
Half an hour later, the farmer's mobile rang again. "I'm still stuck," said the farmhand.
"Why?" asked the farmer. "Did you shoot the pig and drag the carcass off the road like I said?"
"Yeah, I did, but his motorcycle is still jammed under the truck?"

 

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