Health
 Health is what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
[PHYLLIs DILLER]

 A woman went with her husband for his routine medical check-up. But afterwards the doctor took her to one side and said: "I'm afraid I have some bad news. Unless you adhere to a strict routine, your husband will die. Every morning, you must give him a good healthy breakfast and you must cook him a nutritional meal at night. Furthermore, you must not burden him with household chores and you must keep the house spotless and germ-free. I know it places a great deal of work on your shoulders, but it really is the only way to keep him alive."
On their way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said to her. "Oh," she replied, "he said you're going to die."

 I bought all those Jane Fonda videos. I love to sit and eat cookies and watch
them. [DOLLY PARTON]

 What is the difference between herpes and true love? - Herpes lasts for ever.

 An overweight man went to the doctor who advised him to lose three stone. The doctor recommended that the man should run five miles every day for the next 100 days. The patient phoned the doctor exactly 100 days later.
"Have you lost the weight?" asked the doctor.
"I have," said the patient, "but I'm not at all. happy with the situation."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm 500 miles from home!"

 

Short Jokes listed in alphabet order
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