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15 * AUTHORSHIP

Somewhat exasperated he finally replied, "They didn't wear anything, as far as I know."

"Do you mean," she demanded, "that women came there with no clothes on at all?"

"They didn't have on any clothes above the table," he assured her, "and I didn't dare look under it."

Authorship

70. "Why do you insist on calling him a pharmacist when you know he's an author?"

"Because every book he writes is a drug on the market."

71. A prisoner in a state penitentiary wrote a crime story and sent it to a magazine editor with this note: "The facts in this story. are true, only the names have been changed to protect the guilty."

72. Novelist Sinclair Lewis was to lecture a group of college students who planned literary careers. Lewis opened his talk by saying:

"How many of you really intend to be writers?" All hands went up.

"In that case," said Lewis, returning his notes to his pocket, "my advice to you is to go home and write."

With that, he left the room.

73. Heywood Broun hated ghostwritten political speeches.

His comment was that usually they failed to reflect the personality or the convictions of the individuals who delivered them.

It was during a newsmen's dinner that President Harding delivered a real Websteronian oration loaded with outlandish cliches and pompous language. It was completely out of character. As the polite applause died down after the President had finished, Broun leaped from his seat and cried:

"Author! Author!