Humor   A -Z

B
23 * BOASTFULNESS

Boastfulness

106. Composing a letter to the president of the firm, which he felt he so ably represented, the egotistical young salesman dictated to a stenographer:

"I feel that you should know, sir, that in order to obtain the above-mentioned contract, 1 found it necessary to employ every ounce of my personal charm and magnetism, my diplomacy and flawless tact. However, 1 am now pleased to report that my untiring efforts were crowned with success."

Gently the steno asked, "Crowtation marks on that last paragraph?"

107. An old master sergeant, a veteran of three wars, was hard put to keep a brash teenage recruit in his place. Although the youngster bragged, he had a disconcerting knack of making good his boasts.

Marched to the rifle range, he announced that he was the best shot in the rookie unit-and lived up to it by outshooting the other recruits by a large margin. That night in the barracks, everyone suffered through his detailed account of how "I set a new range record."

Turning to his sergeant, the boastful youngster remarked:

"Bet you didn't shoot that well when you first joined up, sarge."

After a pause, the sergeant replied: "No, son, I didn't. But when 1 first shot, there was somebody shooting back."

108. Several hunters were sitting around bragging about the dogs they owned. Noting that an elderly native was listening intently, they laid it on thick.

"Take my setter," said one man. "When I send him to the store for eggs, he refuses to accept them unless they're fresh. What a nose that dog has!"

"That's nothing," boasted another. "My springer goes out for cigars and refuses to accept any but my favorite brand. Not