Humor   A -Z

5 * AMERICA-AMERICANISM

years off a woman's true age. But you can't fool a long flight of stairs.

21. In the village post office a stranger saw the local patriarch sitting on a flour barrel, whistling. A bystander informed him that the old fellow already had passed his hundredth birthday. Impressed, the man exclaimed, "That's amazing!"

"We don't see nothing amazing about it 'round here," was the laconic reply. "All he's done is grow old-and he took longer to do that than most people would!"

22. It is said that when Konrad Adenauer, former West German Chancellor, was laid up with the grippe, he chafed at his doctor and said he had to get better because he was scheduled to make an official trip abroad.

''I'm not a magician," said the doctor. "I can't make you young again."

To which Adenauer is reported to have replied: ''I'm not asking that. I don't want to become young again; all I want is to go on getting old."

23. Sir Winston Churchill, whose fondness for drink was well known, was scheduled to make a speech before a small gathering.

The chairman introduced him by saying: "If all the spirits consumed by Sir Winston were poured into this room, it would reach up to here on the wall."

He drew a line with his finger at about level with his eyes. Churchill got up to speak. He glanced at the imaginary line on the wall. He looked up at the ceiling, and made a mathematical calculation with his fingers. Then he sighed and said, "Ah, so much to be done, and so little time in which to do it."

America-Americanism

24. If you want your father to take care of you, that's paternalism. If you want your mother to take care of you, that's ma-