Humor   A -Z

ARMED FORCES * 10

leaving his previous job, which was that of a temporary sorter at the post office: "Done all the work."

He had also served in the Army, and to the formal question:

"Why did you leave the Forces?" he replied: "Won the War."

47. A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."

48. A sergeant in charge of the new recruits ordered:

"Men, when I blow the whistle, I want you to shoot at will."

At that moment one very frightened young man ran across the grounds out of sight.

"Who was that? Where's he going?" bellowed the sergeant. "That was Will," replied one of the recruits.

49. Sergeant-Major's golden rules for new recruits detailed

for duty in the Officers' Mess:

"If it moves, salute it.

If it doesn't move, sweep it up.

If it's too big to sweep up, pick it up. If it's too big to pick up, paint it."

50. The old colonel had put in forty long years under Army routine, and now he was being retired. He took his orderly with him as a servant, and gave him strict instructions:

"Now, George, each morning at five o'clock sharp you wake me up and say, 'Time for the parade, sir,' and then I'll say, 'Damn the parade!' and turn over and go back to sleep."

51. An Army marksman passed through a small town and saw evidence of amazing shooting. On trees, walls, fences, and barns were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in the exact center. He asked to meet the remarkable marksman.