Dumb And Dumber A ham sandwich walked into a bar, ordered a drink and the bartender said, 'No, we don't serve food here.' A man entered a barber shop and said, 'I'm sick of looking like everyone else. I want to be different. Give me a part from ear to ear!' 'Are you certain?' 'Absolutely,' said the man. The barber did what he was told and the satisfied customer left the shop. Three hours later he came back. 'Put it back the way it was: he said. 'What's the matter?' asked the barber, 'are you tired of being a non-conformist already?' 'No,' he replied, 'but I'm tired of people whispering in my nose.' An English tourist is on holiday in a Comish village when he spots what is obviously the village idiot sitting next to the horse trough. In his hand is an old stick. and tied to the end is a piece of string which is dangling in the water. The tourist decides to humor the fellow and asks, 'Have you caught anything yet?' The village idiot looks up and studies the stranger before saying, 'Aye, you be the seventh today.' 9hree vampires walk into a bar and order drinks. The first vampire asks for Blood. The second vampire asks for a Blood Light. The third vampire asks for some hot water. The bartender is baffled. 'Why don't you want Blood, like everyone else?' 'Because,' says the vampire, pulling out a tampon, 'I'm making tea.'