Jewish Jokes, Offensive Jewish Jokes

If you are sensitive to stereotyping, these jokes are not for you.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie ?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes".

Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's

When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."

A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth filled with food if you called."

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says,"I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Q. Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A. Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q. How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three days.'
"Force yourself," she replied.

Q: What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?
A: 'Is ANYTHING all right?'

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Sam Levy was driving down the road, gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman says, 'Your wife fell out of the car five miles back.' Sam replies, 'Thank god for that... I'd thought I'd gone deaf!'

Q: If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a toolbox, what does a mohel carry?
A: A Bris-kit!

Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
A: Filet minyan.

Jewish telegram: 'Begin worrying. Details to follow.

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		If you are sensitive to stereotyping, these jokes are not for you. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie ? A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes". Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position? A: Facing Bloomingdale's When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis." A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak." The son says, "Why are you so weak?" She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth filled with food if you called." A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?" The boy says,"I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." Q. Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A. Under the vacuum cleaner. Q. How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A. (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three days.' "Force yourself," she replied. Q: What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers? A: 'Is ANYTHING all right?' Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go. Sam Levy was driving down the road, gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman says, 'Your wife fell out of the car five miles back.' Sam replies, 'Thank god for that... I'd thought I'd gone deaf!' Q: If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a toolbox, what does a mohel carry? A: A Bris-kit! Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews? A: Filet minyan. Jewish telegram: 'Begin worrying. Details to follow.

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