Best  Funny Jokes

Paddy visits the hospital. 'I want to be castrated!' he demands cheerfully. 'Are you sure about this?' the doctor asks. 'Have you discussed it with your wife?' 'Yes, yes! I've thought about this for a long time. Let's get it over with!' So the operation is performed. On his way home from hospital Paddy meets Mick. 'Well, hello Paddy! I haven't seen you for a couple of days,' Mick says as they shake hands. 'No, I've been in hospital.' 'Well, that's funny. I'm on my way there right now!' 'Really? What's up?' 'I'm going to be vaccinated.' 'Oh shit! That's what it's called!' ------------------------------------------------------------------------  How do you get a one-armed Irishman out of a tree? You wave to him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A bloke pulls up to a petrol station in Ireland and asks for five liters of petrol. The attendant replies they don't sell petrol. 'Don't sell petrol? What sort of garage is this? Well, check the oil for me.' The attendant says they don't sell oil. 'What? Top up the radiator for me then.' The attendant says they don't have any water, that in fact the garage is just a front for the IRA. 'Okay, then blow my tires up.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------