THE SHOWER SECRET

Perhaps secret is not the appropriate term because it is certainly no secret now. When did you first begin this practice of blowing your nose in the shower? What on earth do you blow it on? Certainly you are not going to tell us you blow your nose right into your bare hands, are you ? You are the last person in the world we would have expected to pull a stunt like that. But don't worry, we will always be friends with you. We just won't ever want to shake your hand again. You do still use toilet paper, don't you?

MILITARY BOOGER

There are very few people today who have not heard about the excessive amount of waste and overspending when it comes to the military. Such as their spending $8,000.00 for a hammer, or $30,000.00 for a toilet seat. But few have heard about Harold Winkleman, professional nasal explorer, collector and entrepreneur. Harold, at the height of this military madness, actually convinced a military purchasing officer that an ordinary booger was actually a newly developed gasket material and fetched $450,000.00 for one small sample of his nose findings. Once the government found out what it was, they cracked down on poor Harold by refusing to pay a dime over $36,000.00 per Booger from then on.

DANGER BOOGERS

As you have probably noticed, boogers do not come with any type of warning labels. It is kind of a "proceed at your own risk" proposition. This being the case, we have put together a few of the basic facts we discovered while we performed our research. (1) If you eat anything that comes off or around your head, you are a huge nerd and nobody likes you. (2) If you are a man and are driving alone, it is mandatory in some states that you pick your nose or you will be cited. (3) If you are still engaging in these activities, you need first to be introduced to a box of tissue and, second, get professional help. (4) If you make someone real mad while you are picking your nose, you are likely to end up with both a broken nose and a broken finger, so be careful!

THE SECRET RECIPE

In order to offer what we believe to be the exact recipe for boogers, we went in search of nerds and kindergarten age children around the globe. Our final conclusions were, that no one was exactly sure of the specific ingredients. But one finding was unanimous, the longer in the nose the firmer these little mysteries become. It was even brought to our attention that you could control, through practiced patience, whether or not they came out original style or extra crispy. We are sure that there are scientists somewhere who hold the magic key to knowledge in this area. But as of now, they're not talking.