chuck norris funny quotes, chuck norris sayings

		Hit banner below and Shop our unique collection of outrageous pranks, practical jokes, and gag gifts. We are proud to offer the web's largest collection of funny novelties, gag gifts, and pranks. From Fart Machines to Bumper Stickers, we are the web's leading retailer of fun!

		BACK TO ONLINE'S LATEST JOKES INDEX CLICK HERE
		There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. Chuck Norris invented water. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!" One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris Biography History of Chuck Norris Chuck Norris And Wife Chuck Norris Workout Chuck Norris Karate Chuck Norris Movies How Old Is Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Married	Chuck Norris Films In What Year Was Chuck Norris Born Chuck Norris Gallery Chuck Norris Christian Chuck Norris Birthday Chuck Norris Address Gena O Kelly Wife of Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Live at	Chuck Norris Actor Chuck Norris Filmography Autobiography of Chuck Norris Can You Give Me the Biography of Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Appearances Barefoot Chuck Norris Chuck Norris And Martial Arts