Every Christmas I get an awful
pain that stays for a week. Then my mother-in-law goes back
to her own home.
Mummy' said the small boy, 'can I have a saluki or a
dachshund for Christmas?'
'No', replied his mother, 'you'll have what lots of other
people are having - turkey.'
The little girl would have bought her grandmother a box
of handkerchiefs for Christmas, but she couldn't do this as
she said she didn't know the exact size of her grandmother's
nose.
Q: What do angry mice send at Christmas?
A: Cross mouse cards.
I once gave my boyfriend a pocket comb for Christmas, but
he never used it. He said he didn't need to comb his
pockets.
My husband is always moaning at me. Whatever I do, he can
find something to complain about.
Last Christmas he gave me two pairs of ear-rings - one
covered in plastic pearls and the other in fake diamonds.
When I put on the plastic pearl ones said: "What's wrong
with the diamond ones? Don’t you like them?"
I can always tell what my wife is getting me for
Christmas by looking at the receipts the credit card company
sends to me.
'At Christmas we went to the pantomime. It was
Finderella.'
'That sounds rather fishy to me.'
'It was. It had a Fairy Cod mother in it, and Finderella
lost her flipper at the fish ball.'
Q: Where does Santa Claus keep his red suit?
A: In his Santa Clauset.
Q: What's red and white and green all over?
A: An airsick Santa Claus!
Q: Why does Santa have a house at the North Pole?
A: Because he's too fat to squeeze into an igloo!
Q: What's red and white and full of holes?
A: Swiss Kringle!
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