Dave, out caught in the rain, ducked into a pub. There he met
some old friends, had a few drinks and a few more, and
at midnight started to stagger home through the rain.
Feeling cold. he decided to get himself an Indian curry,
so he headed for his local T aj Mahal take-away and
ordered an extra hot vindaloo.
Arriving home, he placed the curry on the table and went
upstairs for a pee. Whereupon the cat approached the
curry and. feeling neglected and hungry. decided to have
a go at it. Nibble nibble, chomp chomp, lick lick. The
vindaloo vanished.
Dave returned and was appalled to discover the cat
licking the plate. He grabbed it by the neck and dragged
it outside. 'You dreadful little moggie. I hate you.
You're dead,' he ranted. Filling a dustbin with water,
he threw the hissing cat into it and slammed the lid
down. He then put a few bricks on top, just to be on the
safe side.
Dave returned to his sitting room feeling very sorry for
himself. A few minutes later he heard a knock on the
window and, 10 and behold, there was the cat. The cat
looked at' him and said, 'You wouldn't happen to have
any more water, would you?'
A woman buys a parrot only to find that
it says nothing but. 'My name is Mary and I'm a whore.'
She tries to teach the bird more acceptable phrases but.
after weeks. has failed utterly. 'My name is Mary I
and I'm a whore,' it says over and over again, often at
the most inopportune moments and much to the lady's
embarrassment.
One day her parish priest dropped by and, sure enough,
the parrot squawked out the only words it would say. She
apologized to the priest, explaining that the bird
resisted all efforts at reform. The priest offered to
take the bird to visit the two birds he had, as all his
birds would say were Hail Marys
while clutching rosaries in their talons. Perhaps they'd
have a good influence on the lady's parrot.
So he took her parrot to his house and put it in the
cage with his parrots. 'My name is Mary and I'm a
whore,' said the lady's parrot. Whereupon one of the
priest's birds said to the other, 'Throw that damn
rosary away, our prayers have been answered.'
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