A political activist named Colin had just arrived in Hell and was told he had to make a choice. He could go to Capitalist Hell or Communist Hell. Wanting to compare the two. he wandered over to Capitalist Hell where, outside the door, Adam Smith stood looking bored.

'What's it like in there?' asked Colin.

'Well: replied Adam. 'in Capitalist Hell they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock. and let a vulture tear your liver out. Then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'

'That's awful: said Colin, 'I'm going to check out Communist Hell.' He went over to Communist

Hell, where he discovered a long line of people waiting to get in. The line went round and round seven times and then receded towards the horizon. Colin pushed his way to the head of the line where, 10 and behold, Karl Marx was busily signing people in. He asked Karl what Communist Hell was like.

'In Communist Hell: said Marx impatiently, 'they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock. and let vultures tear out your liver. Then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'

'But isn't that the same as Capitalist Hell?' Colin asked.

'Yes: sighed Marx. 'but sometimes we don't have oil, sometimes we don't have knives .

A guy dies and goes to Hell. The Devil greets him warmly at the gates and they enter a long corridor. As they walk along the Devil explains, 'Now that you're in Hell, you must choose the manner in which you will spend all etemity. I will show you some rooms and you must choose one.'

They get to the first room. The door opens and the man peer's in. An endless circle of the damned with weights strapped to their backs walk around barefoot on hot coals. ·Oh. I don't think I like that,' says the man. They continue on to the second room.

In the second room, the damned walk around listening to elevator Muzak. walking on broken glass. 'Oh, I don't think I could stand that,' says the man.

In the last room, the man is surprised to find the damned standing around up to their armpits in shit, drinking coffee. That doesn't look so bad!' says the man. 'I'll stay here for etemity.'

'Very well,' says the Devil, closing the door behind him.

'Hmm. this isn't so bad,' thinks the man, as a demon gives him a cup of coffee. Suddenly the room supervisor calls out on his megaphone, 'All right everybody, coffee break's over! Back on your heads!'