Q: What do you call a guy with a shovel stuck into his head?
A: Doug

Q: What do you call a guy without a shovel stuck into his head?
A: Douglas

Q) How many polish soldiers does it take to screw in an Iraqi lightbulb?

A) Hey! Wait! Where are you guys going?

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other, and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

q: why is 6 afraid of 7?

a: because 7, 8 (ate), 9.

 

Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.

The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"

The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."
 

Where does GW keep his army?

Up his sleevie.

Q: If you're an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

A: European!

1. A bass drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree

ba dum dum CHING!

2. What's orange and sounds like a Parrot?

A Carrot!

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
 

Q. What's grey?

A. A melted penguin.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”