Best Lawyer Jokes  Mickey Mouse was trying to convince the judge to give him a divorce from Minnie. 'I'm sorry, Mickey: said the judge, 'but your claiming Minnie is crazy is not a valid reason for me to grant a divorce.' 'I didn't say she was crazy: said' Mickey, 'I said she was fucking Goofy.' A burglar breaks into an apartment on Fifth Avenue, opposite the Met. He's sure that nobody's home but, just in case, keeps the lights off. While he searches for the wall safe he hears a voice saying, " can see you! Jesus can see you too!' He freezes in his tracks. Doesn't move a muscle. A couple of minutes pass. The voice repeats, 'I can see you! Jesus can see you too!' The burglar takes out his flashlight, switches it on, looks around the room. He sees a birdcage with a parrot in it. 'Did you say that?' The parrot says again, 'I can see you! Jesus can see you too!' 'Ah, so what. You're just a fucking parrot: says the burglar. 'I may be just a parrot: replies the bird, 'but Jesus is a fucking doberman!' "he three bears returned from a stroll in the woods to find the door of their little house wide open. Cautiously they went inside. After a while Daddy Bear said, 'Somebody's been eating my porridge. ' Mummy Bear yelled, 'Somebody's been eating my porridge!' Little Baby Bear rushed in. 'Bugger the porridge. Someone's nicked the video.'