Microsoft Jokes

 

If Ford built cars the way Microsoft build software, we would all be driving aircraft carriers

 

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

 

The classically minded among us may have noted a new TV ad for Microsoft's Internet Explorer e-mail program which uses the musical theme of the "Confutatis Maledictis" from Mozart's Requiem. "Where do you want to go today?" is the cheery line on the screen while the chorus sings "Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis."

 

An approximate translation from the Latin is: "The damned and accursed are convicted to the flames of hell."

 

Tokyo, Japan March 16 - A Japanese Electronics company has announced its own computer operating system, now available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio. Instead of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows and DOS systems, the new system will draw from the Japanese culture.

 

A spokesperson said: "We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human Japanese face on what has been until now-an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku
poetry."

The haiku messages are just as informative as Microsoft's and they make you pause just long enough that you're able to fight the impulse to put a fist through the screen.

The company has released some examples:
 

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

You seek a Web site.
It cannot be located.
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Stop reflect and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows are like that.

First snow then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss.
The presence of absence.
"June_Sales.doc" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao
Until you bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
The Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Which has occurred?

You step in the stream
But the water has moved on.
Page not found.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky
But we never will.

Having been erased
The document you are seeking
seeks to be re-typed.

 

 

Serious error.
Screen. Mind.
Both are blank.