I Guess Thats Fair
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."
"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

Redneck..... and the 911 Employee
These two rednecks go hunting one afternoon. While they are out one of them all of a sudden falls over and quits breathing.

The other redneck pulls out his cellphone and calls 911. He says O my gosh my friend Bubba just fell down on the ground and quit breathin. I think he might be dead.

Well the 911 says Make sure he is dead. The redneck says Okay give me a second. All of a sudden they hear a loud bang. The redneck picks the phone back up and says Yup he is dead alrite.

One smart redneck!
Hello is this the FBI?

Yes. What do you want?

I am calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.

Thank you very much for the call sir.

The next day the FBI agents descend on Billy Bobs house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes they bust open every piece of wood but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?

Yeah!

Did they chop your firewood?"

Yep.

Happy Birthday Buddy

You might be a redneck if
You might be a redneck if...

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minute maid taste test.

You have ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You have ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.