THINGS TEACHERS WOULD LOVE TO WRITE ON A STUDENT’S REPORT CARD… BUT CAN’T

1. Since my last report, your child has reached  rock bottom and has  starte to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. This student has delusions of adequacy.

4. This student is depriving a village somewhere  of an idiot.

5. This student sets low standards and then  consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a “full six-pack” but lacks  the plastic sling to hold  it all together.

7. Student has been working with glue too much.

8. When the student’s IQ reaches 50, he/she should sell.

9. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the  train isn’t coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d  have to be watered twice a  week.

11. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.

12. Your child is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

13. If your child had two brain cells, they’d kill each other.

Blond Jokes

1.   Q:   What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

     A:   Gifted!

2.   Q:   How do blonde braincells die?

     A:   Alone.

3.   Q:   What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

     A:   Pregnant.

4.   Q:   How do you brainwash a blonde?

     A:   Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

5.   Q:   What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

     A:   Artificial intelligence.

6.   Q:   How does a blonde part their hair?

     A1:  (Action of scissoring legs apart)

     A2:  By doing the splits.

7.   Q:   Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

     A:   Because they can't even keep two calves together!

8.   Q:   What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?

     A:   Nothing.  They've never met.

9.   Q:   Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

     A:   Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

10.  Q:   When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

     A:   After a dye job.