Love and marriage
 A wife told her husband that the cleaner was broken and ordered her husband to fix it.
"Do I look like the Hoover repairman?" he asked indignantly and carried on reading the newspaper.
The next day she told him that the washing machine had broken and ordered him to fix it.
"Do I look like the Zanussi repairman?" he snapped and carried on reading the paper.
The day after, she told him that the computer was broken and ordered him to fix it.
"Do I look like the IBM repairman?" he moaned and carried on reading the paper. A few weeks later the husband said: "I see you got everything fixed. How did you get it all done so cheap?"
"Well," said the wife, "you know Pete next door? He agreed to do the repairs for
free if I'd sleep with him or sing him a song." "What song did you sing?" asked the husband. "The wife replied: "Do I look like Tina Turner?"

[ Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution. [GROUCHO MARX]

 A wife woke up in the middle of the night to hear her husband sobbing uncontrollably downstairs. She put on her gown and went to investigate.
"Honey, whatever's the matter?" she asked.
"Remember 20 years ago I got you pregnant, and your father threatened to have me thrown in jail if I didn't marry you?"
"Of course I do," she said.
"Well, I'd have been released tonight."

 I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife. Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs ... but she's good with the kids. [Tommy COOPER]

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

 

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