Music

 I hate music, especially when it's played. [JIMMY DURANTE]

 The wife was upset: "Why do you go out on the balcony whenever I sing? Don't you like to hear me?"
"It's not that," said the husband. "I just want the neighbours to see that I'm not beating my wife."

 When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are still back in the cat. [FRED ALLEN]

 Jack Benny arrived at the gates of the White House carrying his violin case.
"What you got in there, Jack?" asked the security guard.
Benny handed over the case. The guard opened it and found a sub-machine gun inside.
"That's OK," said the guard. "I was worried you'd brought your violin."

 Why do bagpipers walk when they play? - To try to get away from the noise.

 What's the definition of a gentleman? -Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

 What's the difference between a banjo and a Harley-Davidson? -You can tune a Harley.

 What's the difference between a soprano and the PLO? - You can negotiate with the PLO.

 What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? - Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

 What's the definition of an optimist? -An accordion player with a pager.

Short Jokes listed in alphabet order
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