Navy
[ The admiral was resting in his quarters when suddenly the lookout burst in. "Two enemy ships spotted on the horizon, sir."
"Right," said the admiral, "Fetch me my red shirt."
The danger passed but later in the day the lookout burst in once more. "Three enemy ships spotted on the horizon, sir."
"Right," said the admiral leaping to his feet. "Fetch me my red shirt."
Again the danger passed but the lookout felt compelled to ask the admiral why he always ordered his red shirt when battle was imminent.
"Well," explained the admiral. "It's a question of morale. If I'm wounded while wearing a red shirt, the men won't see the blood and will continue to fight."When this answer was relayed to the men, all were agreed that their admiral was a remarkably courageous man.
The next morning, the admiral was resting in his quarters as usual when suddenly the lookout burst in. "Twelve enemy ships spotted on the horizon, sir." "Right," said the admiral. "Fetch me my brown underpants."

How do you knockout a marine? -Throw sand against a brick wall and say "Hit the beach".

 How do you separate the men from the boys in the navy? - With a crowbar.

 Through the pitch black of night, a navy captain saw alight dead ahead on collision course with his ship. He immediately sent a signal.
"Change your course ten degrees east."
The light signalled back: "Change yours ten degrees west."
The captain was angry and sent another signal: "I'm a navy captain. Change your course, sir!"
The signal came back: "I'm a seaman, second class. Change your course, sir!" The captain was furious at such insubordination and sent another signal: "I'm a battleship - I'm not changing course."

The reply came back: "And I'm a lighthouse."
 Why does the New Italian Navy have glass-bottomed boats? -To seethe Old Italian Navy.

 An American tourist went to Portsmouth to see Nelson's flagship HMS Victory. On the tour of the ship, the guide pointed out a raised brass plaque on the deck.
"That's where Nelson fell," said the guide.
The tourist was unimpressed. "I nearly tripped on the damn thing myself."

 Did you hear about the incompetent navy captain? - He grounds the warship he walks on.

 

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