Newspapers and magazines
 A newspaper photographer was assigned to take pictures of a huge forest fire. Owing to the density of the smoke at ground level, his editor had hired a light aircraft for aerial shots and the photographer was told that the plane would be waiting for him at a small rural airfield.
The photographer drove at top speed to the airfield and saw a small plane warming up on the runway. He raced over to the plane, jumped in and yelled to the pilot: "Let's go! Let's go!"
As the aircraft soared into the sky, the photographer issued his instructions. °I want you to fly over the north side of the fire and make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"What do you mean, why?" said the photographer. "So I can take pictures. I'm a photographer and photographers take pictures." The pilot thought for a moment. "So you mean you're not the instructor?"

 A reporter covering a Sunday morning soccer match was amazed to see that one of the teams included a wrinkled man clearly of advanced years. Sensing that he might be in the presence of the oldest player in the country, he thought it would make a good story. So he grabbed a word with the old timer just before kickoff.
"Tell me," said the reporter, "do you have a special diet?"
The man replied: "Every day I drink eight pints of beer and a bottle of scotch, and
I smoke 40 cigarettes. And all I ever eat are chips."
"That's incredible," said the reporter. "How old did you say you were?" "Twenty-eight."

The penis mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
[MARTY FELDMAN]

 A young reporter was covering a story about an escapee from a mental asylum. To accompany the story, he sent in the headline: WOMAN RAPED, MENTAL PATIENT ESCAPES. But the editor asked for something snapper. So the reporter
suggested: NUT SCREWS AND BOLTS.

 Two years before the Gulf War, a female journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait and had noted that it was the custom for women to walk several yards behind their husbands. But when she returned recently she observed that the roles had been reversed, and that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
"This is wonderful news," the journalist enthused to an Arab woman. "Tell me, what enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?" "Land mines."

There's very little advice in men's magazines because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think: "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." [JERRY SEINFELD]

 

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