New York
St Peter was manning the pearly gates when 40 New Yorkers showed up. Never
having seen anyone from the Big Apple at
heaven's door before, St Peter thought
he had better consult God. So he left
the group at the gates and went off to
find God.
"I've got 40 people from New York," said
St Peter. "Is it safe to let them in?"
"New York, huh?" mused God. "We
certainly don't want heaven overrun with
New Yorkers. Why don't you just admit
the ten most virtuous?"
St Peter went back to relay the news but
a few minutes later returned to God in a
state of anxiety.
"What's happened?" asked God.
"They've gone," gasped St Peter.
"What, all of the New Yorkers?"
"No, the pearly gates!"
When
it's Chinese New Year in New York there
are fireworks going off at all hours.
New York mothers calm their frightened
children by telling them it's only
gunfire. [DAVID LETTERMAN]
On extended vacation in Canada, a New Yorker went into a hardware store
and asked for a chainsaw that would cut
down six trees in an hour. The sales
assistant showed him a top of the range
model and the New Yorker was so
impressed that he bought it.
The following day he returned to the
shop and complained that it had taken
him all day to cut down just one tree.
To find out what the problem was, the
sales assistant took the chainsaw and
started it up.
"What's that noise?" said the New
Yorker.
Tell-tale signs that you're from New
York
Your door has more than three locks.
The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
You
go to a hockey game for the fighting.
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multilingual.
You get arthritis in your middle finger from over-use.
You consider eye contact to be an overt act of aggression.
You've never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building
You
envy cabbies for their driving skill.
The subway makes sense.
Only time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank
robbery has just taken place. [JOHNNY
CARSON]
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