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Police
A traffic cop stopped a drunken driver
just after midnight in Dublin. "Excuse
me, sir," said the officer peering into
the car window. "Have you been
drinking?"
"I certainly have," replied the driver.
"I had five pints of Guinness with my
pals at lunchtime and then I spent the
afternoon in O'Malley's Bar, drinking
Guinness with whisky chasers. During
Happy Hour I sank six double brandies
and then I had a couple of drinks with
old friends, just to be sociable like.
And then I drove one of my friends home
and had a few cans of beer at his house,
because it would have been rude to
refuse."
"I see," said the officer. "I'm afraid
I'm going to have to ask you to step out
of the car and take a breathalyzer
test."
"Why?" said the drunk. "Don't you
believe me?"
How many police officers does it take to
break an egg? - None, it "fell down the
stairs".
A man went to the police station
demanding to speak with the burglar who
had broken into his house the previous
night.
"You'll get your chance in court," said
the desk sergeant.
"No, you don't understand," said the
man. "I want to know how he got into the
house in the middle of the night without
waking my wife. I've been trying to do
that for years!"
A rookie New York cop was on his first
day in a patrol car. The sergeant had
teamed him up with a more experienced
partner. After a quiet hour, a call came
through asking them to disperse a group
of people who were loitering on the
corner of 43rd Street.
"I'll handle this," said the rookie
excitedly. So when they got to 43rd
Street and saw a small crowd on a
corner, he leapt out of the car and
yelled: "OK, move along now. Haven't you
got homes to go to?"
The crowd were reluctant to disperse, so
he repeated the command: "Come on now,
move on."
Puzzled, they slowly drifted off in
different directions.
The rookie climbed back into the patrol
car. "Not bad, huh?" he said proudly to
his partner.
"Yeah, you did OK. Pity it was a bus
stop. .."
A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. "Pull over!"
he called.
"No, officer, it's a scar
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