A man doesn't have a beer gut - he has developed a liquid grain storage facility.

 A man does not eat like a pig - he suffers from reverse bulimia.

 A man is not stupid - he suffers from minimal cranial development.

  A man doesn't get lost - he discovers alternative destinations

 A man is not dishonest - he is ethically disoriented.

 A man is not short - he is anatomically compact.

 A man is not lazy - he is energetically declined.

 A man is not a psychopath - he is socially misaligned

 A man is not going bald - he is in follicle regression.

 A man is not a cradle snatcher - he prefers generationally differential
relationships.

 A man is not unsophisticated - he is socially malformed.

 A man is not impotent- he is procreationally disabled.

 A man does not fart and belch - he is gastronomically expressive.

 A man is not quiet - he is a conversational minimalist.

 A man is not a male chauvinist pig - he has swine empathy.

 A man does not get falling-down drunk - he becomes accidentally
horizontal.

 A man does not behave like a total ass - he develops a case of rectalcranial inversion.

 A man does not have a dirty mind - he has introspective pornographic moments

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 A man is not sleeping around - he is monogamously challenged.

 A man is not weird - he is behaviourally different

 A man does not snore - he is nasally repetitive

 A man is not ignorant - he is factually unencumbered.

 A man does not hog the blankets - he is thermally unappreciative.

 A woman is not old - she is chronologically gifted.

 A woman is not overweight - she is gravity enhanced

 A woman is not a bad cook - she is microwave compatible.