Prison
 Two prisoners were waiting to be executed. "Any last requests?" asked the jailer.
"Yes," replied one of the prisoners. "I love music, so before I die could you play me 'Everything I Do' by Bryan Adams."
And the second prisoner said: "Kill me first."

 After serving 18 months of a 25-year sentence, a man escaped from prison. His escape was the lead story on the early evening TV news and, knowing that there would be a huge search party out looking for him, he took care to make his way home via a long, cross-country route -of fields and woodland. When he finally made it to his house, he looked around to make sure the coast was clear and knocked on the door. His wife answered.
"You dirty stinkin' rat!" she screamed. "Where have you been? You escaped over five hours ago!"

 What do prisoners use to call each other? -Cell phones.

 A new prisoner was introduced to his cellmate. "I'll take you through the
week," said the cellmate. "Sundays we go to church. Do you like church?"
"No, not much."
"Mondays we play cards. Do you like cards?" "No, not much."
"Tuesdays we play football. Do you like football?" "No, not much."
"Wednesdays we play snooker. Do you like snooker?" "No, not much."
"You're hard to please, aren't you? Do you like sex?" "Yeah."
"With men or women?" "Women."
"So you don't like sex with men?" "No way."
"Then you're not gonna like Thursdays either."

 

Short Jokes listed in alphabet order
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