Real estate
 The real estate agent was intent on selling an expensive summerhouse to the wealthy businessman.
"What a perfect location," enthused the agent. "Right on the bank of the river. Two steps from the back door and you're in the water, ready for a nice relaxing swim. Or you can go fishing - without leaving your porch. And if you like boating, see, there's a little pier, right on your doorstep. Believe me, sir, this house is ideal for you."
"I must say it's very nice," said the businessman, "but one thing troubles me. Suppose the river overflows its banks?"
"So what?" answered the agent smoothly. "How could that possibly affect your house? It's set back a long way from the river!"

 Why don't estate agents look out of the window in the morning? - So they'll have something to do after lunch.

 For once in his life, the estate agent decided to be honest with a prospective lady house-buyer. "This property is bordered on the north by gasworks,on the south by a rubber factory, on the east by a brewery, and on the south by a glue factory."
"My goodness!" said the woman. "It sounds absolutely appalling. Doesn't it have any redeeming features?"
"There is one," said the agent. "You can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

Genuine letters sent to landlords:
 The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

 This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob
off.
 The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

 1 am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall

.Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third,
so will you please send someone to do something about it.

 I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

 The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.

 Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday
my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

 Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not
fit to drink.

 When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

 Will you please send a man to repair my down spout. I am an old age
pensioner and need it straight away.

 Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe
stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.