Your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade. [2126] Your Christmas stocking is full of ammo. [2127] You go to church to pick up women. [21281 Your dog passes wind and you claim it.

 Your family tree does not fork.

Your bathroom is a nearby creek.

 Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

  The Salvation Army rejects your mattress.

  There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

 You think Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

  You mow your lawn and find a car.

 Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.

 You clean your fingernails with a stick.

Your idea of a neighbourhood watch programme is tuning in to America's
Most Wanted.

 You have a special baseball cap for formal occasions.

  You've never paid for a haircut.

 Your dog acts as a dishwasher.

 You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You consider your licence plate to be personalized because your dad made it in prison.

 Your favourite T-shirt is offensive in 19 states

 You think a computer hacker carries an axe.

 You've ever been involved in a custody battle over a hunting do