School

A young boy arrived late for school.
"Why are you late, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"I'm sorry, miss, but I had to get my own breakfast today."
"All right, Johnny," said the teacher, "never mind. Now today we are doing geography and here is a map of the British Isles. Can anyone tell me where the Scottish border is?"
"Yes, miss," said Johnny, "in bed with mum. That's why I had to get my own breakfast."

 A teacher was struggling to teach arithmetic to a young boy. So she said: "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another nickel, what would you have?"
The boy thought for a moment and replied: "Someone else's pants."

 There are three kinds of people - those who can count and those who can't.

 A mother and father were worried that their son would refuse to learn maths at school, so they sent him to a Catholic school which had a good reputation in the subject. But after his first day at the new school, the boy came home, ran straight to his room and slammed the door. This behaviour went on every school night for the next two months, at the end of which the parents were asked along to meet the teachers. They feared the worst but, to their surprise, their son's maths teacher revealed that the boy was doing excellent work and was top of the class.
"So what changed your mind about learning maths?" they asked the boy when they returned home.
"Well," said the boy, "on the first day I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to a plus sign at the back of the room, and I knew they meant business."

 Did you hear about the cross-eyed schoolteacher? - She couldn't control her pupils.