I want a hair cut please. Certainly, which one!

Do you look in the mirror after you've washed your face?
No, I look in a towel!

Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
Because her daddy was a mummy!

It's time for your violin lesson.
Oh, Fiddle!

How old is your granddad?
I don't know but we've had him a long time!

What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet!

What is a tornado?
Mother nature doing the twist

How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!

Do you know the time?
No, we haven't met yet!

What sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A kipper!

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!

What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!

Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only?
He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard!

What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?
Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile toe!

Do you have any invisible ink?
Certainly sir. What colour?
How is business going?
I'm looking for a new cashier
But you only had a new one last week
Yes, that's the one I'm looking for!

Where do hamsters come?
Hampsterdam!

What kind of biscuit would you find at the south pole?
A penguin!

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
Because England was discovered before the USA!