A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourthfloor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.
"Help! Help!" screamed the woman. "I need someone to catch my baby!"
A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. Then the goalkeeper stepped forward. "I'm a professional goalkeeper," he called to the woman. "I'm renowned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."
The woman agreed: "OK, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."
On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.

 Embarrassed by revelations that she was to send her own daughters to a Swiss school, rather than one in Britain, the Duchess of York decided to offer to help out at her local comprehensive school. The delighted headmaster asked her to referee a soccer match.
Ten minutes into the game, the Duchess noticed that one of the boys was left all on his own, well away from the other players and the action. She asked him if he was OK, but he just nodded. Ten minutes later, she asked him again, but he insisted there was no problem.
She decided a pep talk was in order. "Why are you all on your own?" she asked. "Why don't you join in?"
The boy snapped: "Because I'm the goalkeeper!"