Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. After a good meal and an excellent bottle of wine, they lay down and went to sleep. A couple of hours later, Holmes woke up and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, Watson," he said. "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"
"I see millions and millions of stars," replied Watson.
"And what does that tell you?" inquired the master detective.
Watson thought for a moment. "Well, Holmes, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately two twenty-five. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I believe we will have a glorious day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson, you imbecile! Some thief has stolen our tent!"

Two British army captains, Carruthers and Fanshawe, decided to have a bet as to which of their batmen was the more stupid.
Carruthers called for his batman and said: "Take this £1 coin and buy me a colour TV set in the village."
"Certainly, sir," replied the batman.
Fanshawe then rang for his batman. "Go to the orderly room at once," he commanded, "and see if I am there."
"Yes, sir," said the batman.
Outside the two batmen compared notes. "Fancy asking me to buy a colour TV set on an early closing day," said Carruthers' servant. And Fanshawe's replied: "Imagine making me walk half a mile when he could have used the telephone to see if he's in the orderly room!"

Two truck drivers came to a low bridge. The clearance said ten foot 8 inches, but when they got out and measured the truck, they realized the vehicle was eleven foot. The first man looked at the other and said: "I can't see any cops around. Let's go for it."

A girl persuaded her boyfriend to take her to a restaurant. But he wasn't used to eating out and didn't know what to order from the menu.
"Why don't you have what I choose?" she suggested.
"What, and leave you hungry? No, I couldn't do that."