A couple were sent two theatre tickets as an anniversary present with the cryptic message: "Guess who sent them?"
They rang round all of their friends and family but nobody admitted sending the tickets. however, they weren't prepared to look an anonymous gift horse in the mouth and went to the theatre and had a wonderful time. But when they got home, they discovered that their house had been burgled. On the kitchen worktop was a note saying: "Now you know."

A strained voice called out through the darkened theatre: "Please, is there a doctor in the house?"
As the lights came on, several men stood up. An older lady also rose to her feet and pulled her twenty something daughter close to her. "Good," shouted the older woman. "Now are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice Jewish girl?"

The opening night of a new play was so bad that the audience started leaving the theatre at the end of the second act. As he got up from his aisle seat, a noted critic raised a restraining hand. "Wait!" he commanded loudly. "Women and children first!"

 During a performance of a school nativity play at the local theatre, a large crack suddenly appeared in the middle of the stage. As the performance progressed, the crack became bigger and bigger until it finally developed into a hole. Everyone else managed to avoid it but when young Johnny stepped forward as one of the Wise Men, he plunged straight through the hole.
The audience gasped. Johnny's father whispered to his mother: "Don't worry, dear. It's just a stage he's going through."

 A man walked into a grocery store and announced: "I want all the rotten eggs you have."
"What do you want with rotten eggs?" asked the shop assistant. "Unless you're going to see that terrible new comedian who's on at the theatre this week?" The man replied icily: "I am the new comedian."