8 things you will never hear a woman
say;
8. What do you mean it’s our
anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other
tonight? I’d rather just watch tv.
6. ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyy
tooooooo big!
5.Can our relationship get a little more
physical? I’m tired of being just
friends.
4. Honey, does this outfit make my but
look to small?
3. Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m
sure you’ll be able to figure out how to
get there.
2. I don’t care if it’s on sale $300 is
way too much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger.
Why did god invent lesbians? So
feminists wouldn’t breed
Why did the woman cross the road?
That’s not the point what is she doing
out of the kitchen
What do you do if your dishwasher quits
working? Kick her in the ass.
How many women does it take to change a
light bulb? !!, 10 to form a
committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to
do it.
What is the difference between a battery
and a woman? A battery has a positive
side.
Did you hear about the guy that figured
out women? He died laughing before
he could tell anyone
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women don’t shut up long enough
to build up pressure.
The Mature Male
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I
would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I
got a girlfriend, but there was no
passion. So I decided I needed a
passionate girl with a zest for life. In
college I dated a passionate girl, but
she was too emotional. Everything was an
emergency, she was a drama queen, cried
all the time and threatened suicide. So
I decided I needed a girl with
stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl
but she was boring. She was totally
predictable and never got excited about
anything. Life became so dull that I
decided I needed a girl with some
excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl,
but I couldn't keep up with her. She
rushed from one thing to another, never
settling on anything. She did mad
impetuous things and flirted with
everyone she met. She made me miserable
as often as happy. She was great fun
initially and very energetic, but
directionless. So I decided to find a
girl with some ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart
ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground and married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced
me and took everything I owned. Now, I'm
40 and just looking for a girl with big
tits.
A woman's husband had
been slipping in and out of a coma for
several months, yet she had stayed by
his bedside every single day. One day,
when he came to, he motioned for her to
come nearer. As she sat by him, he
whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know
what?
You have been with me all
through the bad times...
When I got fired, you
were there to support me.
When my business failed,
you were there.
When I got shot, you were
by my side.
When we lost the house,
you stayed right here.
When my health started
failing, you were still by my side...
You know what?"
"What dear?" She gently
asked, smiling as her heart began to
fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck,
why don't you fuck off."
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Short Jokes listed in alphabet
order |
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